Battle Ships

On 3rd April 2019, I had laparoscopic keyhole surgery to remove endometriosis adhesions & scar tissue from my internal organs, polyps from my uterus and cysts from my ovaries.

I was last on the list to go down for surgery that morning and I waited five hours.  That was okay though because compared to others, my surgery isn’t life-threatening, I could have much worse conditions.  At the exact time, I was in the hospital waiting for my own surgery, my sisters mother in law was in a London hospital having her liver taken out of body and a possible tumor being removed, an operation that would take over six hours.  On the other side of the world, one of my best friends was in a Cambodian hospital attached to a drip after contracting Dengue Fever (from the Yellow Fever family) and her platelets were dropping so low she might need a blood transfusion…so my case really was pretty low down the pile of surgeries and illness for that week.

The waiting was the hardest part though and I asked my spirit team to give me some superpower strength on the walk down to theatre, which they did.

The anesthetist was a lovely, funny man who looked like he had comedy teeth in but they suited him and made him endearing.  He joked that he had trouble getting the cannula into every patient he had that morning.  When he had trouble with my right wrist, I realised he was being serious.  It hurt like hell and continued too, he kept going back to it and decided he didn’t trust it to work properly (interesting choice of words before a general anesthetic is administered but I still trusted him completely!).

“I’m going to do it in the other wrist” were the words I heard but chose to block out.  Cannula administration has followed a similar pattern all my life…it doesn’t go very well.  He bent my wrist forward after tapping very hard on the vein and getting the nurse to squeeze my forearm.

“I don’t think we are having much luck today” he mumbles…then puts the needle in and the pain I have and his sorry eyes tell me we have to try again.

I lie back, close my eyes and call on my angels.  I take some very deep breaths and repeat in my head “please let this work, please let this work” and a quick scratch later he is all smiles “you did that!  That wasn’t me…what did you do?  Well done! Now in 30 seconds, you will be asleep”….30, 29, 28, 27………

When I come round in the recovery ward I am aware of three things.  A pain in my stomach, a kind voice asking me how bad the pain is, and a spirit touching my face.

“Scale from 1 to 10 with 10 being the worst?”

“Seven…eight”

Click, he releases pain killer directly into my iv line and it feels like liquid gold…and I feel my Nan by my side.

After I am wheeled into my room and after the nurse has taken my blood pressure and left me, I’m aware of my uncle standing in the corner of my room.  I fall asleep and I’m woken by the feeling of spirit around my tummy…my grandad has come in this time too.  Every now and then I see a flash of blue light…..that will be Blue my guide.  Blimey, they are all making an appearance today.

My husband and my little girl come in to see me.  I’m still hazy and out of it, they tell me they are going down to the restaurant for dinner whilst I sleep some more.

As I drift into a delicious semi-conscious post anesthetic sleep, I suddenly find myself floating in the hospital restaurant.  I appear to be having some weird out of body experience which feels very lucid in this dream state.

I can see my husband and little girl at their table and I can see my little girl has his mobile phone in her hands, she is laughing as she plays “Battle Ships” on an App on his phone.  She hasn’t played Battle Ships in well over 6 months, we haven’t spoken about it in a long time, it’s not something she would just pick up and play.

When they both return to my bed after dinner, my little girl runs up to me.

“We had dinner mummy!” she says enthusiastically.

“I know what you were doing, I could see you,” I told her as I came round.

“Did you see me playing Battle Ships?” she asked, with a surprised look on her little face.

“I sure did,” I said, as my husband rolled his eyes behind her……………

Until next time,

Tanya

 

Strength

Last week I wrote about my current health issue and how worried I was (initially) that I had a far more serious condition.  The consultant really did put my mind at ease.  She told me all about my issue and talked about my forthcoming operation, but she certainly did not indicate that I have anything to worry about.

During my “worry period” between the scan and the consultant appointment, I asked my nan and grandad for a sign that everything would be ok.  For those of you that follow my regular weekly blog posts, you will already know that my nan (especially) is pretty good at giving me a sign from spirit, no kidding, the lady has it licked, she gives signs like a boss, she makes it effortless!

On the very morning of the day I asked for a sign from her, I got one.  It was Sunday and I was doing my normal weekly chore, unloading my Sainsburys food shop.  I always opt for home delivery because it saves me time and I do love the banter with my local driver!

As I did this normal routine, my heart was heavy.  I was still really worried about my health and I had been crying a lot the night before.  As I opened the very last bag, my heart skipped a beat.  There was a big bunch of Spring daffodils inside.  I hadn’t ordered these during my online shop.   I have never ordered flowers in a food shop. I checked the receipt, they were on there, they cost £1 a bunch.  I looked at the bottom of the receipt and remembered that I had a voucher, £1 off my shopping for that week, which I had applied at the checkout point.  That voucher covered the cost of the flowers…..the flowers from nan, telling me that she is thinking of me.

Now we can’t forget grandad in this.  On the Thursday evening of the same week, it was time for my circle development class at the Arthur Findlay college.  I am still at that new stage there, where everyone is total strangers, which is brilliant, especially when I get a reading.

A lady called Marie sat in front of me and connected to a male in spirit. She described him to me and I knew she had my grandad.  In her hand she had an oracle card, one that she had been given by the tutor, to help link the spirit to me.  The card said, “Trust in the Unknown”.

“He is telling you to do that. Don’t worry about the unknown, TRUST in the unknown.  He is giving me the name David(his son) and talking about him cutting bread(he had a very unique way of cutting a fresh new loaf, which makes me smile whenever I think about it), he also says you have radiant blue energy all around you(my guide is called Blue) and he is talking about you when you go to bed.  You lift off the two pillows on top of your bed and you have two special pillows you use(this is my exact routine every night –  my special pillows because I get reflux!).  He said he wants to be with you, especially in the work you do, he said he will be around you”. 

 

As you can imagine, I was thrilled with that reading.  But here is the part that makes me smile.  When I used to rent a treatment room that was connected to a hairdressing salon, I used to have a very whispy spider who sat in the corner of the room.  He was there for about 9 months!  (I thought spiders are supposed to have a ten-day lifespan?).   Everyone who knows me knows that I have a very bad fear of spiders. But I used to let this spider stay. I let him stay because I felt he was my granddads spirit (my grandad has given me a spider surprise on almost every special occasion since he died).  So when I left that room for good, I actually said farewell to my little friend, Mr spider aka grandad Frank.

After the reading with Marie, on the Saturday, I had a client in my treatment room (which is now at home) and as I placed my hands over her eyes, I was drawn to look in the corner of my room.  There was my whispy little friend, the same type of spider (which I haven’t seen since I was in my old treatment room 18 months ago).  I knew instantly it was grandad, just as Marie had said, being with me during my work.  I smiled at him and said he could stay, as long as he doesn’t come near my treatment couch.

I also got another strong sign from spirit that week, this time it was from Blue.

It was during that same night that I had my reading with Marie.

Some of us were chosen to stand up (in front of twenty others!) and do some inspirational speaking.  Each person had to get up and choose a stone from a small basket which had a word on it and then talk about what that word meant to them, words like gratitude or love.

When it was my turn, I picked up my stone with sweaty hands (I was so nervous!). I turned over the stone to see what my word was:

“Strength”………………..

What was I going to say?  What does strength mean to me, mean to anyone?  Then I remembered the card that Marie had for me “Trust in the Unknown”. So this is what I started with, I can’t remember exactly what I said to everyone, I believe it went a little like this:

“What is strength?  Strength is trust, its trust in the unknown.  We all need our own inner strength, to know we can depend on us, above all else, during our life’s journey. From the day we are born to the day we die, we will have our ups and downs, our hard days and our good days and the days in between, we will need inner strength to get us through….but we must know that we are supported, that someone or something has our back…ALWAYS, we are supported in this life by an unseen force, we must Trust In The Unknown”.

Until next time,

TanyaS

Health Anxiety

Anxiety is a pretty awful thing to go through.  Some people throw the word around quite casually, they are a bit anxious about something and think they have anxiety.  I don’t want to take away the seriousness of their worries but actually having anxiety as a mental health condition is a different thing entirely. It can be deliberating, can wreak havoc with the individuals and their families lives and can take years to mentally overcome.

There are many different types of anxiety and as I am not a trained psychologist I’m going to do what I do best and that is talk about my own anxiety and what that feels like and suggestions I can put forward that may help you if you are in the same boat.

Firstly, why do we get anxiety?  I believe that we have a predisposition for it in our genes, or a bit of a personality trait that means that we have to be in control, all the time. The control thing is massive when it comes to anxiety because anxiety is another word for worry.

I also feel that we would have learned some behaviour from a parent that may or may not have realised that they are worry heads.  They may have wrapped us up in cotton wall because of their own self restricting fears.  Growing up there may have been one or both parents that are negative in nature and would tend to “catastrophise” things with no logical rationale behind it.

Anxiety can lay dormant for years and come out after a traumatic or life-changing event.  It can also manifest into different mental health conditions like depression and OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder – which I will blog about another time). For today’s’ post I want to focus on my own personal favourite topic of anxiety: health anxiety.  Honestly, I don’t think it was a thing until Google was invented (jokes).  I also don’t think it’s the same as Munchausen Syndrome (a factitious disorder in which a person deliberately acts as he or she is physically or mentally unwell when he or she is not really sick).  I do think however that it bubbles on the surface of hypochondria if anything.

Health anxiety is when you worry constantly at not only your own state of health but of those around you that you care deeply about.  Slight pain in the forehead?  That will be the onset of a stroke.  A left flank twinge?  Cervical cancer for sure.  The numbness in your right foot will be the stomach tumour that is pressing on your spinal column, absolutely nothing to do with the fact that you have worn slider sandals for the past three months due to the unprecedented heatwave……..ok I’m making this funny but if you have this disorder, it’s pretty damn awful.  You will utterly convince yourself that you are dying, all the time.

You will have a compulsion to symptom check every little ailment you “feel”. You will seek out statistics of cancer rates and risk factors and because your anxiety is a sneaky little bugger, it will deliberately on purpose home in on all the things you are experiencing. The compulsion is to actually find evidence that you do in fact have a life-threatening illness.  This is all irrational and completely fear driven.  Of course, it is.  But try telling that to your anxiety.

Stories in the newspaper, of particularly young people dying of cancer (cancer is a massive theme for the person with this type of anxiety), will be what you are drawn too.  “If it happened to them, then it could very well happen to me……..there is so much cancer these days, why is that…………its like cancer is out to get me, my family and friends………”

So, as you may have worked out from the above, I have experienced this type of anxiety first hand.  However, I haven’t got it as bad as some.  When I feel good, I feel on top of the world, with no worries what so ever.  But as soon as I get an odd symptom…it starts to creep in.

I have had a recent “health scare”.  After months (years!) of awful heavy and painful periods, I decided to go and get an internal scan done.

At the scan, the lovely female sonographer probably didn’t mean to scare the crap out of me, but she did.  To be honest, when you are the health worrier, you will look for every little sign to see if a health professional is lying to you and in fact covering up the fact they have just discovered you actually do have a terminal illness.

“Oh!  Endometriosis, can see it straight away” she said as she peered at the scan screen that was pointing toward her and not me (what’s she trying to hide?).  Oh my days….I’ve just been diagnosed with Endometriosis!!  From a scan…….ok, not life-threatening, will also explain why I have felt like I want to die each and every month……..wait is there more?

“Oh!!  I see two growths”…….wait “growth??” OK – real legitimate worry time about to commence……….

“These are called Polyps.  They are quite common (thank the lord) and are tissue growths in the uterine wall (stop saying growths!) and you need them out as one is growing, it’s very large (large growth, growing – wtf???) you need an operation”.

Jeeze.  Let’s fast forward to now – the day I write this blog.  It’s about ten days since my scan.  My consultant appointment with the Gynea is this evening and the fact that (thank the lord twice) I have private medical insurance, I reckon this operation will be done and dusted by May (here’s praying).  This is the good news, they have identified my problem.  The bad news is my anxiety has skyrocketed.

Remember, that I am a Holistic Therapist who helps others deal with stress, depression, anxiety…..I promote the law of attraction and the positive mental attitude required to hit difficult times in life, head on.

But when you start looking internally at your own life, at those that love and depend on you and the fact that you may have a very real, potentially very serious health condition, it changes everything in an instant for you. All those years I’ve spent worrying about having cancer and the awful truth is, I don’t know if I have it or not. Am I over-reacting?  Some women with uterine polyps have them removed and biopsied to find out that they have cancer.  This is rare. But it does happen.

The difference between me and someone without health anxiety is this:

The person without this anxiety will be rational.  They will take what the sonographer said as the truth and not think that actually, she lied to them and really she saw cancer but didn’t want to worry them.

They will not think that every phone call from the scan until the consultant appointment is the gynaecologist herself, calling to get them in “URGENTLY” as it appears they have cancer and need a lifesaving operation within hours.

They will not start thinking about the future with them not in it and how that will affect the lives of those they hold dearest……a thought that is too painful to put into words.

Of course they will be concerned, that goes without saying.  But they will be rational and objective, not irrational and subjective.  They would also say, well even in the very unlikely event that I have cancer, it doesn’t mean I am dead, it just means I need a different course of treatment….and a different perspective.

See, how did we get from uterine polyps to cancer in one blog post?  No one has even mentioned this word to me……but I Dr Googled my symptoms……it turns out that endometriosis and polyps have the same symptoms as womb cancer.

In my heart of heart, do I think I have it?  No.  But I do think this is a big old lesson for me, in terms of putting my health anxiety to bed, for good!  Yes, it is. Here is why.  For the first seven days of the ten day wait period between scan and consultant, I kept crying and totally freaking out.  This is the most I’ve worried in a very long time.  But then, during a Reiki treatment, I heard a voice in my head. I felt like it was Blue, my guide. This is what he said:

“You are absolutely fine.  You don’t have cancer, you know that.  You will KNOW when your time has reached its end on this life journey.  But, just because you have these abilities, the deep sense of intuition that not every person has, that doesn’t mean that you get off Scott free…..you will have many ups and downs that you need to learn and grow from….this is one of those down times but we are going to manage it and move past it”.

Since this moment I have felt so much better, even today, a few hours before my appointment.  It’s like someone is standing behind me, they have got my back and I feel it too.

I’m hoping this whole experience will put to bed my worries, as there is no point.  What is important is now, today, right this second, anything before that is just our imagination.

But what if health anxiety affects you?  Well, like with any type of anxiety, I want you to know that I feel your pain – I really really do.  There are ways to manage it though:

  • Write stuff down, all about what you are worried about. In fact write two columns, one with your irrational fears and the other one with the more logical rational thinking.   Anxiety and stress cause symptoms, headaches and stomach ache. So that is what the problem is more likely to be!
  • Keep busy, focussed and fulfilled. This will help you immensely.
  • Relax and manage your thoughts with techniques such as exercise, mindful meditation and doing something creative.
  • Talk to people to unload your worries but try not to seek constant reassurance, be your own therapist.
  • If you are undergoing tests for a legitimate health issue, DO NOT search on Google, especially on forums. You are not the same as the people on the forums.  Your body and condition are unique to you.
  • Speak to your GP or look on the Mind website if you do feel you need external support: https://www.mind.org.uk

Until next time,

Tanya

Don’t Be Afraid Of The Dead

“Don’t be afraid of the dead, be afraid of the living”, I have heard that saying before but I didn’t realise how true it was until a recent Ghost Hunt Outing.  This isn’t a normal activity for me, in fact, it was a first, my friend purchased some tickets to visit Epping Forest for a night walk on an organised guided ghost tour. I was really excited and didn’t know what to expect.  The fact that I was staying up and being outside past midnight was thrilling enough to be fair.

On the Ghost Walk night, we all met outside the large pub at the Epping Forest entrance.  We found a parking space amongst other cars that were sitting in the carpark, with steamed up windows and low thumping music.  We considered briefly that we might have just walked into a local underground dogging meeting place so hastily made our way to where we were told to meet our guide.

Luckily we could see him in his yellow, high viz jacket, through the weed smoke that seemed to be thick in the atmosphere, god only knows where it was coming from but the air was full of the stink of drugs!  Clearly, nothing to do with our tour guide but I started to “feel’ that the energy around this place was somewhat “lower” than I am accustomed to these days.

Anyhow, after some instruction from our guide Tom, who informed us that he is a medium himself, we headed into the forest for our first story.  The format was planned out for us, we were to walk to the different spots of the forest where myth, legend, history and fact told us about different ghost sightings.  I was really excited about this and at that point, not at all scared. What terrified the hell out of me was the massive spiders lurking on hanging webs on low branches and the mud in the forest (did not think this through on booking!).

The very first fable started with Tom telling us about the ghost of Boudica who has been seen on several occasions roaming through the patch of green we were looking at and walking into the forest with her long cape flapping behind her.  I really started getting into this story when our attention was taken away suddenly from it to a small black car that was very slowly creeping along the road beside us.  As it passed us, the window wound down and we heard a guy shout out (quite aggressively) “What are you doing?” in a deep, North London accent. Tom immediately sighed and shouted, “None of your business, drive on please” and proceeded to wave his massive flashlight in this guy’s face.  Before I had time to mentally process that that action was not a good idea the guy shouted “What the f@*k are you doing man?  I will get out and cut you!!!”.

Feeling my breath quicken, Tom seemed unfazed and said casually “Yes, yes, move along……”.  Luckily, the car speed of with skidding wheels.

Tom apologised to us and said that this was normal.  That, unfortunately, Epping Forest attracts some interesting characters and he gets some form of aggressive behaviour on almost every guided tour, he has only had to call the police once though.

Suddenly, any talk of ghosts meant nothing compared to what I was now experiencing internally.  My anxiety was on overdrive.  I have a real fear of human violence and it appeared to be right within my grasp now “cut you up”??  Tom didn’t seem to care a hoot and insisted that the guy in the car was gone and we should move on.

So we did, we walked deeper into the forest and I was relieved to be away from the road.  As we reached our next stopping point (a bank next to a very swampy lake, in pitch black, god only knows how we didn’t fall in) I muttered to my friend that I’m now very anxious about the nutter in the car.  She reassured me we would be fine.

I managed to forget about him when Tom asked us how we felt standing next to the green bog.  Bearing in mind there was around twenty of us on this tour, it was deathly quiet in this spot of the forest.  The moonlight managed to allow a bit of light onto the lake.  I felt so sad.  The lake reminded me of death, of peoples death.

“This lake is a suicide spot.  There have been over fifteen reported suicides here over the past one hundred years”.  Oh. How awful.  I couldn’t wait to walk away.

Eventually, we did, we walked further and further and more and more tales were explained to us, some that made me feel very emotional (what was I thinking of booking this up?).  But really, that was all ok because compared to the terrorising we were experiencing first hand with the living, the dead where nothing to be afraid of.  That guy in the car, he decided to come back and he wasn’t alone.  He kept driving past at every opportunity and circling our party like a fox around a chicken coup.  Tom insisted that we not worry and that if worse comes to the worst he could call the police as he has a “hotline” to the local constabulary.  It was so absurd I was starting to wonder if it was part of the tour?

We eventually entered a wide open space, next to a road.  It felt like it was the middle of nowhere.  I can’t stress to you how bad my anxiety was at this point, because of the guy in the car.  I had a VERY bad feeling about his energy.  I was so close to calling my husband and begging him to pick me up, even though I had no idea where we were in the forest and it was almost 1am.

When we reached the middle of the field, we stood around Tom whilst he told the next story.  I so wanted to listen and enjoy it, but I couldn’t because I was so afraid of this guy coming back.  And just like that, I pulled in that fear like a magnet and we saw the forbidding headlights and heard the slow tyres turning on the road leading up to us, us at a dead end, like a scene from a horror movie.  I grabbed my friends arm and squeezed hard “we are leaving!” I said in a loud whisper, frantically looking for where we could run to hide from this maniac.

Everyone in our group was now voicing their concern and when the car stopped and this guy got out, I turned to Tom “Better call that hotline now ah Tom, like NOW!” I demanded.  Tom huffed and pulled out his mobile phone, then we heard the scary guy shouting out “I’m a ghost, a ghost, a ghost, ahhhhhhh” like some over dramatic female drama teacher.  Everyone started laughing (through fear?) and we realised that this guy was nuts, but probably not a cold-blooded killer.

Thankfully, that was the last we heard of him and Tom didn’t have to call the police.  So the second half of the tour I could finally relax and enjoy.

Toward the end, we walked to Hang Mans Hill.  Legend has it that this is where all the criminals back in the dark ages used to be killed and literally “hung out to dry” in front of everyone. It’s also the place where if you sit in your car and release the hand brake on a certain hill, an optical illusion makes it look like your car is rolling uphill.  It was close to this spot that we did the séance.

I have never done a séance before.  We all stood around in a circle and held hands (sweaty hands with a male stranger in the middle of a forest, don’t tell me I don’t know how to live). Tom, being the medium, told us to close our eyes whilst he asked the spirits of the forest to come forward and do different things, like tap our shoulders and push us forwards.  Now, I have to stress here that Tom did not know that I and my party of friends were all mediums ourselves.  I don’t actually feel that anything spectacular happened but I DID feel a weight pulling on my arm.  I was in what I felt like was a deep meditation and after the séance which lasted I reckon around twenty minutes, Tom came up to me in front of the group and said that my energy felt very interesting, very calm, very still (“that will be the Reiki energy!” I said to myself with an inside smile).

It was time for the very last walk for the last account of the night. We walked deeper still into the forest and approached a massive ditch.  We stood around the ditch, in a half semi-circle with our torches pointing to the centre.  It looked very low down.

“Where is my volunteer?” shouted Tom. Oh darn it, I remembered that Tom had chosen me at the beginning of the tour to be his volunteer.   Not wanting to point out that volunteering doesn’t actually work that way, I raised my hand and said it was me.

“Come forward Tanya and stand in the ditch”.  What?!  I didn’t want to seem like a spoil sport but I really didn’t fancy doing this!  One minute later I was standing in that ditch, with nineteen faces looking down on me, all shining their torches on my face.  I remembered a time back in my youth on the dance floor when I would have lapped up this feeling.  Not tonight.  I was in my very own living Blair Witch Project.

Tom, in a very serious tone, told me to close my eyes and take some deep breaths and to tell me exactly what I felt whilst standing in that ditch.  So did exactly that, I forgot about being watched and just “felt”.  This is what I experienced:

 

I felt so afraid and so so sad. I felt this was a female sadness. I was so scared, scared for my life, I wanted to drop to my knees and protect my head, then I saw a rope hanging from a tree, then I realised that I had to protect my unborn baby.

 

“What did you feel, it doesn’t matter if you didn’t feel or see anything, we are not all mediums here” said Tom with a kind smile.

I recited it all back to him.  He raised an eyebrow and smiled at me then looked at the group.

“Well this is very interesting, very interesting indeed.  Because here, in this very ditch is where a young woman was chased into by her husband, where he beat her and killed her then hung her from the tree branches, after pulling her down and digging and placing her in a shallow grave, right on the spot where Tanya is standing.  This was in the 1970s.  Well done Tanya, that’s really good”.

I shuddered.  That poor woman.  I didn’t mention the unborn child bit to Tom and the others, I just didn’t feel it appropriate.

After we walked back to the car, we thanked Tom for an “interesting night”. By the time we reached our car, all the other cars (not part of our group) had gone.  They had left rubbish all over the place, it looked awful.  Epping Forest, the place of natural beauty during the day, treated with utter disrespect during the witching hours, attracting the lowest forms of energies, drug dealers, hitman, murderers, rapists….they all go there. Why?  Because it is a forest and is out of the way?  I don’t think its that.  I think the forest holds so much dark energy that goes back centuries, all that history etched in the tree bark, that it attracts certain vibrations, the dark energies that walk this Earth as humans today.

As we drove away, I vowed I would never go back to the Forest when the moon was out.  I would save it for sunny day walks with me and my dog.

Until next time,

Tanya

 

 

Blocking Negative Energies

 

It’s been two and a half years now since I started my holistic business. During that time, I have had the absolute pleasure of meeting some truly gifted, wonderful and compassionate teachers, mentors, leaders, friends and clients.  When you work within this spiritual field, it can only be described as a blessing because you are there to help others, you are healing, whether that be hands-on or simply through the art of listening to someone.

I remember when my Reiki Master was asked if she has ever met any challenging people along her own spiritual business journey.  She had, in fact, had a negative experience with someone, which she duly learnt her lesson from and her explanation to what happened was put simply “where there is light, there will always be darkness.  You can’t have one without the other.”.

I thought on this and realised that she is right, especially when we look at this work as energy work, that is the bread and butter of it “energy work”. Energy, vibrations, magnets.  Like attracts like….and sometimes, the good attracts the bad, the empath attracts the narcissist.

The low, dark, deeply negative soul, whose vibrational frequency spins much slower than the optimistic, joyful, positive energy who only ever seeks out the best, the trust, the honesty, the best way forward, even in their darkest of times.  The negative soul will search out the positive soul in order to feed.  They will drink up this energy to seek reassurance, to seek accountability for their own life’s happiness, to shift their own life responsibilities onto someone else. Every person can flit between energies at times when I talk about these darker energies I’m talking about the ones that live toxic lifestyles.  Here are some personality traits:

  • Unless a good intuitive, you will not see this person coming. They have two faces, one for you and one for everyone else.  In fact, they may have many faces.
  • They will have a string of toxic relationships, in the past and also circling around them currently. Apparently, everyone is out to get them.
  • They are quick to judge, they are also quick to anger.
  • Jealousy and a sense of injustice seep from their very core, they are a victim and they cannot and will not be blamed for their bad behaviour around you because it is not their fault.
  • They will use every tactic in the book to make you feel guilty, to manipulate, to project their own behavioural traits on to you.

Now, I am not a psychologist or a councillor.  But what I am is a highly intuitive individual who works in the field of helping others.  It has taken me half my life to now recognise souls that are vibrating on this low-level frequency.  In the past it has taken me months, years even to figure out these types of people (sound familiar?).  But now, I can normally figure it out on an introductory meeting.  How do I know?

My gut screams at me “Be Aware, Be Very Aware!”.  I just feel very very strange when I am in their presence.

Now, this is not the same feeling as “Blimey, this person is hard work. Not sure if we are going to gel. Not sure if I like this person, to be honest”.  It’s not the same because I can guarantee you after chatting to that said person that we will click eventually or I will understand that our frequencies are out of line, so we are not gelling like I would with someone that is on my plane, if I meet that person, the room is on fire.  We click, we bond, its instant and it makes me feel SO GOOD. It’s like I have had a battery charge and I feel inspired, motivated, I have found one of my “people”.

Because we are all vibrating on our own frequency, we need to find those that are too.  There doesn’t have to be a vast difference in frequencies, in fact, you can be rather different, but what you have to be careful of is those that are really, really vibrating on that low-density vibration.  They will be seeking you out, I promise you, they will see your light shine from across the room.

Where is this blog post leading to I hear you ask?  Did I meet one of these people recently? Yes, I did.  Of course, I did, it inspired me to write this blog.  I can’t tell you too much about this person but what I want to tell you about is that I knew from “hello” that this person was starting to suck on my energy field like a leech on a fresh chunky thigh.  On every subsequent meeting, after I tried to “help” this person (way out of my remit to be fair) I knew that they would turn and show their true colours.  They did do it and it was not a surprise to me at all.

There is so much in hindsight I should have done.  I should have said hello and goodbye and be done with it (I will next time).  However, I did want to help this person (even though now I know I cannot help these types of energies.  Remember what I said, you get negatives and positives.  I can certainly help those that are negatives and are good people (you are not a bad person if you are really negative – far from it!) but the type of people I am talking about here is EXTREME.)  I’m talking about the type of people that treat animals badly, that can’t love others, that thrive on destruction, pain and the failure of other human beings so that it makes their life feel better.

So, next time, I will refuse (politely and professionally) to work with this type of person.

The whole point of this blog post is to tell you what to do when you meet one of these people.  Or should I say, trying to remove them from your life?  Now, I appreciate that some people may be very intertwined with one of these energies, and advice on this is probably outside of the scope of this blog post (and something I can certainly write about in the future).

In this post, I am talking about someone that you have removed out of your life because they are awful energies and what to do to break the energy link with them, especially when they are an energy vampire.

This is what I did to remove the bad energy from my energy field:

  • Say goodbye with love:
    • I appreciate that in most situations you may be unable to do this. In my situation, I could.  I accepted the vileness that was being slung my way and I thanked the Universe for the lesson that I learnt that day.  (The lesson was invaluable and I’m glad it happened).  I acknowledged the person as ignoring them at that time would have infuriated their ego even more.  So I sent them some light.  I reminded them that they are a good soul, that there is a better life out there for them. I killed them with kindness.
  • Cut ALL contact:
    • This is a biggie. You CANNOT let this person penetrate your energy field EVER AGAIN (or as much as you can physically help it) if you don’t want your energies to blend.  So block their number, block their email, block their social media profiles and never speaketh of their name.
  • Raise YOUR vibration:
    • You must do this next step, especially if you feel hurt, sad or angry. The bad energy WANTS you to feel some low-level energy here, if they are able to do this then their mission is accomplished.  You have to build a wall here!  If you sink to their level then they have achieved their goal, their bellies are now full as they feast on the good that was you before they turned you into one of them.  Of course, you can never be one of them but you catch my drift here.  So what do you do?  This is what I did:
      • Thought about them with love, not hate. Feel sorry for their soul.  Try to forgive their actions.  Remember, we are all on an evolutionary soul journey.  If they are still developing, we need some compassion here.  There are some things that are certainly their fault but there are some things on a soul level that are probably not.
      • Put on some music, and sing and dance. Raise your energy up!  Dance around like a loon and laugh at yourself.  Make your energies spin and jump and vibrate so highly that you are on the clouds and the fragments of their energy are just dust stuck in the carpet. There is a vast expanse between you both.  A VAST expanse.
    • Don’ t spread the hate
      • Here’s the thing, when we talk about what happened, as soon as we think about this person, they are back in our energy field. We may think there is physical stuff between us but when we are talking energy, we don’t need walls, we can think of someone and they can be right there in the room, whether or not they know it.  If you start slating this person in a bad way, you are bringing your vibration down. By all means, get it off your chest with a friend but then put it to bed, for good.  Before you know it, they will be gone.  For good.

Before I end this blog post I would like to put my own opinion across on why some people turn out this way.  I have my theories.  We are all born pure right?  Nature, nurture or whatever shapes and conditions us?  Does it?  Who knows, I think it’s a big old bag of, karma, what you did to others in another life, how you were brought up in this life, what you have been through, where you sit on your soul journey…..whatever it is, shine your light as bright as you can to attract your people.  Leave the lower ones to their own, send them on their merry way with love.

I want to stress something else before I end this post.  We do have to meet these types of people.  It is good for us to be tested, to go through bad experiences, to learn, to grow.  Life isn’t all stardust and rainbows.  Without the bad stuff, how do we know what the good stuff is?  So like I say, have the experience, embrace the lesson and then cut them off and move on.  They did their job when they were around you once before, no point delaying the agony once your chapter on it is closed.

Until next time,

Tanya

A Ceremony Of Angels

I do love to blog about my amazing Reiki adventures and today I had one of those times that I will never forget!

My good friend Jess and I decided it was time for a well-earned Reiki swap, so we normally have forty minutes each on the bed whilst the other one gives the treatment.

I went first and felt so very relaxed as I gave Jess her treatment, picking up on Jess’ beautiful high vibrational energy, she is a healer by nature (nurse) as well as a wonderful Reiki therapist, I could certainly feel how light and delicate her energy is.

When it was my turn to receive my treatment, I couldn’t’ wait to sink down onto the heated couch.  As Jess laid her hands around my head area, I felt myself really starting to relax.  Whenever I’ve been for a Reiki treatment before I’ve normally been unwell psychically, with a cough/cold and never really felt balanced, this time however I was feeling fantastic and ready to just chill into the treatment.  The only issue I had been having previously was a weird pain in my right knee.  I didn’t even think about this during treatment though.

When Jess put her warm hands on my shoulders, I started to feel myself being pulled into a light sleep.  I can’t explain how relaxing it was just then.  I couldn’t’ stay awake even if I wanted too and then I heard a female voice say “just sleep”…….  This is where it gets weird and exciting, Jess confirmed after my treatment that she did not speak one word.  I clearly heard a voice, however, past experience has told me that we do hear external voices and I do believe that I was picking up on either Jess telepathically or it was a guide telling me to drift off.

I must have kept falling asleep and waking up again, I was also aware I probably snored (OMG!) but as Jess came to my feet I started to come round again.

Then Jess went back up to my head and put her hands over my eyes again. Normally with Reiki, we ground the client by placing hands on the feet and then don’t go back to the third eye area. However, you do have the freedom to go where you feel you need too.

As Jess put her hands over my eyes again, I suddenly saw swirls of colours in my mind’s eye. I felt like she was swirling something, in and out, round and round, like she was performing a dance with her fingers and then it reached a point where it burst and I clearly saw an image of an eye (the third eye symbol) in my mind’s vision.

Once the treatment was finished, a very excitable Jess had so much feedback to give me:

“I feel like you are on a different frequency now, it feels angelic. I could also feel fairies around you, I don’t’ really know a lot about that sort of thing, in fact, I’m not sure if I believed in it (fairies) but I do now!  Because I could see them all around you, then I saw a tree in the middle of you, growing up, the trunk was made of warm glass and the leaves were all angel feathers.  When I got to your feet, I thought the treatment was over, but then I felt the urge to go back to your head area.  I felt like the angels asked me, so I did, and then they wanted to put like a flower halo over your head, so I visualised the flowering intertwining with each other and then it sort of reached a burst of energy.  It was like some sort of initiation or ceremony like you are working on a different level now.  There were angels all around you.  I didn’t feel any blockages on you, apart from one on your right knee, where I clearly saw a birds nest and the birds jumping off and flying away”.  (I hadn’t told Jess about my knee…and it stopped hurting immediately after my treatment and hasn’t hurt since).

I couldn’t believe this feedback from Jess or the fact that I could clearly see this flower halo being made in my mind’s eye!

“I wonder if you will see a feather today for validation”? said Jess just before she left.  I felt sure that I would get another sign as that always happens with angels.

I kept thinking about what Jess said about the angels and working with them.  I know of other Reiki healers that do lots of angel work, but I’ve never really read about it much.  But is it more than a coincidence that I’ve been seeing those angelic number formations 11:11 or 22:22 (see last week’s blog: 11:11)?  Has there been a shift now in the energies?

Both Jess and I agreed that it was significant for us both, in terms of Jess giving the Reiki and me receiving.

This wouldn’t be a normal blog post without my wonderful validation, so here it is:

After typing this blog, in fact, the line above this one (I am SO CONFIDENT that I will be given an angelic sign), I stood up and my eyes were drawn to a white feather that was next to my laptop:

My feather for Jess

I quickly grabbed my phone to take the photo and send to Jess.  As I did and pressed “send”, at the EXACT SAME MOMENT, I received this photo from Jess:

Jess Feather

Jess and I had seen our angel feathers at exactly the same time.

Thank you, Angels, thank you Universe, thank you for allowing us to be blessed with the knowledge that life continues after death, that there is a spirit team holding you up, that miracles happen every day.

It’s all so wonderful,

Until next time,

Tanya

11:11

11:11

Over the years I had heard of people seeing number formations or sequences that were supposed to have a hidden meaning.  Those were the days when I took anything remotely “out there” with a pinch of salt.  That was until it started to happen to me.

The timing of me seeing my first set of numbers: 11.11 or 111 or 1111 was very apt indeed.

It started as my business started to step up a notch.  I had just met Alex, my friend and business partner and coincidently, she also started to noticed these sequence of numbers everywhere.

When I say everywhere I mean EVERYWHERE.  When I posted an important announcement about my business on Facebook, I didn’t even look at the time, it was 11.11am (I now purposely post most scheduled updates at this time).

I would wake up in the night and look at my watch, the digital display clearly saying 11.11pm.

I would have exactly £111.11 in my bank balance snapshot.  Whenever I got to that time of day, I would just look at the clock and there it was.  I would see it on signs, or written somewhere, or it would be the exact number of website visitors I had in the month of November, 111 exactly.

It was getting so obvious that Alex and I would start messaging each other examples and photo shots of the 11.11 or 111 connections.  When Alex went on her worldly travels in January of this year, her seat formation number was 11, on row 11.

So why are we seeing this number?

I googled it to try and find out and gathered that it is a sign from the Universe, or even the angels themselves, telling us that now is the time to begin the manifestation of our dreams.

I knew my spirit team were trying to tell me something, the signs were just too strong.  There were too many incidences of me seeing the number 11.11.

Then, once my treatment room was finished and I started to have clients come to me and decided that 2019 was the year that I really wanted to focus on my love of the tarot and mediumship (as well as my holistic therapies) I stopped seeing 11.11. I started to see 22.22 or 222 or 2222.

This was news to me.  I had always known about 11.11.  I had no idea about 22.22.  What was this all about?

Last week, I was scrolling through my Kindle library and was drawn to a book that I purchased ages ago by Kyle Gray called “Raise Your Vibration”. I had bought it because I thought it would be a helpful read for my energy work.  What I didn’t realise is that it would tell me exactly what I wanted to know about the number system.

It turns out that these numbers that are a sign from the Universe start at 11.11 then work up 22.22 (of course, why didn’t I realise that?) then 33.33 to 44.44 and so on.

There is no coincidence here that this year I feel different, I feel ready to help others in a way that I probably wasn’t ready for last year.  I have started taking so much more care of myself, so I can be a living example of how good self-care can help us to achieve our dreams.  I want to practice what I preach.  As soon as I started to do this, I started to see 22.22.  It’s almost as if we are in a school of spirituality and once we start realising that, we progress onto the next level.

Here is Karl’s brilliant definition of the numbers, as quoted from his book “Raise Your Vibration”:

11.11

When you receive your 11:11 message, you are literally in touch with the divine.  You are connecting to everyone/thing that ever was, is and will be. And as you are connecting to that frequency, it’s important to focus your thoughts on something that is contributing to the growth, healing and nurturing of the world.

 

22.22

When two number 2s face each other, they create a love-heart shape.  I call the 2s facing each other “swans of love”, as they look like swans swimming across a lake.  When you see this, it is the universe encouraging you to acknowledge the deep love that is within you.

 

So there you have it, something that I thought twenty years ago was a load of rubbish started to happen to me.  It is undeniable.  The signs are there, the angels are there, the spirit team are there, the UNIVERSE is there.

 

I’m excited to be in the school of spirituality and can’t wait to go to each new level, learning more about myself, others and the world around me.

 

Wonderful and exciting times are ahead for all of us if we truly believe there is magic and miracles in our lives.

 

Until next time,

 

Tanya

 

 

 

The Finder Of Lost Things

I have already written about how I have invoked the angels to help me during times that I have managed to get myself lost (unfortunately this has happened on many occasions!).   But what I haven’t shared with you is how they have helped me and others find lost things, namely, car keys!  How did I find out that I could use angels to do this?  I tried it one day after we were having a mini emergency:

Chaos before France

A few years back we were packing to go on one of our very first driving trips to France with our little toddler, Ariane.  It was really exciting and my husband Craig had been up since the early hours packing the car boot full to the brim with all our things (it was a skiing holiday, so you can imagine the stuff we needed to take!).

My job was to sort the hand luggage and make sure Ariane was dressed and ready to go.  Ten minutes before we had to leave to give enough time to get to our ferry crossing in Dover, Craig walked into the hallway from the driveway looking exasperated.

“I’ve lost the car keys!  I have an awful feeling I’ve left them under all the packing, it’s going to take me ages to pull it all out and put it back again!”.  I shook my head in dismay and said we must check the house first.  So we went to all the normal places that the car keys may be, hanging up by the door, in the coat cupboard, on the coat cupboard floor, in the coats, on the mantelpiece, everywhere!  They were nowhere to be seen.

“If they are not in there we are screwed, I have no spare key!” said Craig looking redder and more flustered by the minute.  “I’m taking the boot apart,” he said, turning to go back outside.

“Don’t, just wait, five minutes, I’m going to ask for help?” I said desperately. “What?!  This is no time for your woo woo Tanya! “ and with that, he slammed the front door shut as he left to start taking out all our carefully packed in luggage.

I quickly took Ariane’s hand and we sat together in the middle of my living room, on the rawhide rug.  “Ok, here goes Ariane, I want you to ask the angels with me”.

I had never really tried this before, in terms of asking the angels to help find something.  They had always helped me when I was lost, so I prayed they could do the same thing this time around.  Ariane and I silently said a prayer to ask for help, as the clock tick-tocked away behind us, reminding us that time was running out to make our crossing.

Once I asked the angels I sat and waited to see what would happen.  In my mind’s eye, I saw the coat cupboard in our hallway, the one we had already checked.  But then I was shown the floor in that cupboard.  Without a moment’s hesitation, I jumped up and Ariane and I swiftly made our way there.  I opened the door and looked down.  I couldn’t see the keys.  But something told me to look closer.  There was a black laptop bag laying on the carpeted floor, and on top sat the black car keys, perfectly camouflaged so that first time around we had no chance of seeing them.  I verbally thanked the angels and ran outside to tell Craig.  Luckily he had only started taking out a few items of packing.

For once, he was actually speechless, however, I did ask for a thank you!

Chaos In France

It wasn’t just my family who managed to lose our car keys.  Our friends, who we were on holiday in France in 2018 were due to leave to go back home a week before us.  They were leaving on Saturday and busily packing their car up whilst my family went to one of the French markets in town.

On our way back, as we travelled along the bumpy, hilly roads, I received a text from my friend Saffy.   “I’ve lost the bloody car keys!!  We think they might be locked in the car, but we have to smash a window to get in. Tanya, please help, we are going to miss our flight, this is a nightmare, we have turned the place upside down, I don’t want to smash the window!”.

My friend Saffy had already heard of my knack of finding keys via my angel helpers and she knew I have psychic ability, I was her last hope.  I suddenly felt a lot of pressure to find these keys. Silently and calmly I closed my eyes as we approached the accommodation.  I couldn’t see anything, my mind hit a blank.  I felt this must be from the pressure of needing to do this for others, in fact, there were other guests that were staying with us, this was almost like a test, I had told them that I was a psychic during our holiday stay and to be honest I can imagine that most of them just took it as a pinch of salt, like I am just a bit wacky!

As Craig pulled up I felt the urge to go straight into the shared kitchen and to look in the dry foods basket.  The feeling to look there was overwhelming.  The accommodation we stay at is like a boutique guest house, where each family has their own basket to put their dry foods in like bread for the week. As I entered the gardens, I could see four or five people desperately running around trying to find the keys.

I saw Abbie, the owner, standing at the kitchen doorway.  “I think they are in Saffy’s basket!” I exclaimed.  I walked past her and looked, but could not see them amongst the baguettes and packets of crisps.  I sighed.  As I left the kitchen, I suddenly heard “are these the keys you are looking for?!” and looked up to see Abbie holding the keys and jangling them in front of us, with a very happy look on her face.  She had followed me and decided to look in the basket after I had checked, it appears I didn’t look properly and the keys were underneath the bread in the basket.

Everyone was so relieved, I hadn’t realised it but they had spent two hours looking for those keys before they asked me.  In fact, Danny, Abbie’s husband had been on the phone to friends in the UK in the hope they could pick up Saffy’s family from the port as they were sure they would not find the keys in time.

Danny grinned at me widely “well Tanya, if I wasn’t a believer before, I certainly am now!”.

The Missing Spare Key

One afternoon I was shopping at my daughter’s favourite store, HobbyCraft. We had bags full of her crafting materials and made our way back to my car. I threw it all in the boot and for some stupid, unknown reason, I threw my handbag in too, complete with car and door keys.  I hadn’t unlocked the car doors, just the boot, so as soon as it was closed, my car keys to get us into the car were locked safely away in the boot. I realised my mistake the instant I slammed it shut.  Feeling slightly sick as I noticed that my bag had everything in it, including my mobile phone to call for help,  I had visions of myself and Ariane being stranded in the shopping car park.  HobbeyCraft is the other side of town to where I live, walking home with a five-year-old was out of the question.  I didn’t even have a front door key to get us in the house!  I decided to go back into the store and ask them if I could borrow their phone, which they kindly agreed.  I called my parents who live closest to the shop and my dad said he was literally just going out of the door to run an errand, it was lucky we caught him. I explained everything and he agreed to pick us up.

Here was the problem, I had lost my car’s spare key.  It had been lost for months and as I had the other key, I didn’t bother to replace the missing one.  I asked dad if he would be happy to take me to my local Ford garage in the hope that they might have a spare master key.  Unfortunately, the helpful sales guy on the desk could not find a spare for me and advised my only option was to call a breakdown service to break into my car and that would cost a small fortune or, go home and find that missing key.

Mum and dad dropped us back home.  Luckily, they had a spare door key I could use to get into my house.  Ariane and I did our usual trick.  We sat in the middle of the living room and asked the angels to help us.  “Where is that key!” I pleaded with them, remembering that I had searched the entire house for it months ago with no luck.  Just then, a vision of my skiing jacket came into my mind’s eye. Something was telling me to search into the deep bits of the pockets.  My jacket had a lot of pockets, but I was being shown the back of the coat. I jumped up and ran to the coat cupboard, the place where it appears most lost car keys live!  I grabbed the jacket and went through every single pocket.  No key.  I shook the coat, then I felt around the back, bottom sleeve.  There was something lumpy inside.  I opened the vent, slid my hand in and to my absolute joy found the spare key!  I must have accidentally put it in the vent and not the pocket and completely missed it the last time I looked.  I danced around with Ariane exclaiming that the angels are amazing!

Help For A Friend

After I had visited one of my good friends to give her a massage treatment, I arrived home to find she had text me as I travelled back.  “Have you seen my car keys?  I’ve lost them, I was wondering if you might have picked them up by accident with your stuff?”.  I had a good look amongst my towels and blankets but couldn’t find her keys.  I text her back and told her I didn’t have them but would see if I could ask my angel friends for a little guidance.

I sat on my sofa and meditated, asking the angels to direct me as to where those keys were in my friend’s house.  It was like I was seeing remotely, I could see her different rooms but then my vision left her house and a map of Europe was shown clearly in my mind, then zoomed in specifically on the shape of the Italian boot on the map.

I text my friend back in a hurry.  “Do you have an object that you brought back from Italy in your home?  If so, check near there!  It’s worth a shot!”.  I waited around five minutes then I got the text back:

Text Mich

I won’t lie, I punched the air when I read this.  More validation of help from another world, another place! What else could I ask them to help me find?  I realised then that the possibilities could potentially be endless…….or could they? Is it only small things that they help me find?  What about lost dogs………….or people?

Only time will tell I guess,

Until next time,

Tanya

Tony

My father-in-law Tony died on 25t March 2007.  Even though he had been unwell for eight months before he died, it was still such an awful shock to the family, with a rapid decline in his health that felt like it happened overnight.

Tony was a special man, a true gentleman in every sense of the word, a kind heart, who had a warmth that emanated from him, he also gave the best hugs!  I only had seven years with him, in fact, he has been gone longer than I knew him for, I really do miss him.

So much has taken place since he passed.  Craig and I got married, we moved house, we had a little girl. Sometimes, my husband is so sad about the fact that Tony has missed so much, especially seeing Ariane grow into the wonderful little girl she is now at six years old.  This he feels is a fact, Tony has missed it all.  I disagree.

I feel like Tony is always watching Ariane, is around us more than we actually appreciate.  Although in the twelve years since he died, I’ve seen many mediums and also had my own spiritual experiences which I have written about in these blog posts, I would receive messages from all my different loved ones who have passed and also have visitation dreams of grandparents but never in all those years would I hear a thing from Tony.

I would wonder about this, he just felt so “distant”.  Like the others find it easy to penetrate our energy field however Tony finds it more of a challenge for some reason I can’t explain. Once, during a disagreement with Craig about his views on the afterlife (i.e. there is no afterlife) he snapped that it was very convenient that the one person he was closest too that has died is the one person I can’t appear to connect too……….he had a point.

I did have a friend, who is also a medium pick up on him one time after I told her that Tony never comes through.  She got some great evidence when she connected to his spirit and asked me about the French Fancy cakes that he would offer me when I went to his house which was accurate.

A few years after that and still no contact from Tony, we were practising mediumship platform work during our Monday night Circle Class.  One of the fledgeling mediums who was due to do her first platform work that following week, took to the floor for some practice. This is what happened as she started to link in with spirit:

“I have a dog here, a bulldog type, like Staffy, Brindle and he is with a gentleman, can anyone take it?”.

I felt the hairs on the back of my neck stand up.  Tony had a Staffordshire Bull Terrier called Cooper, brindle in colour, that was the family pet but was actually my husband’s dog who passed away three years after Tony did.  I was particularly close to Cooper and as soon as the medium (who was relatively new to the class and knew nothing about Tony or Cooper) mentioned these two together, I realised with excitement that this could be Tony.  No one else in the room could take the pairing so I raised my hand.

“He is so emotional to be here Tanya, he is saying to me that he has always found this hard, that it doesn’t come easily to him to reach out to you, hence why he brought the dog, for some reason that makes it easier for him.  He is really quite emotional at the moment, he must have been an emotional man (this is correct).  He is saying that he has two sons (correct) but never had a daughter, however, he now has a little granddaughter (correct).  He wants to thank you, in particular, Tanya for always talking about him with her and keeping his memory alive (I often talk about Tony to Ariane as if he is still alive, I include him in everything, like when she is drawing pictures of her family to ensure he is not forgotten).  He is telling me about his granddaughter and saying how well she is going to do especially this year at school, you are worried about her at the moment with school but he is saying there is no need to at all, she will excel this year (all true).  He doesn’t want to scare her but he does watch her whilst she plays with her toys.  He says “She is a little Star, quite literally a Star, the word Star has so much meaning here” does that make sense Tanya?” said the medium.

I smiled through my tears (I had never sobbed so much at class before!). I explained to the medium that there is a portrait photo of Ariane on my wall at home with a star shape and the word STAR above her head.  The name Ariane also translates into: little star.

Some weeks later, I woke up in the early hours on a Saturday morning. It was around 5am and I struggled to get back to sleep.  I decided that may be a good time to practice trying to go out of the body (completely normal behaviour I know!).  This happened almost instantly, so much more easily than normal, within seconds I felt myself leave my body, spin around and look at myself and my husband asleep in the bed as I hovered above.  I flew through the wall but I didn’t get very far and zoomed back to my bed and realised I was no longer lying there, I had disappeared.  “Damn I’m dreaming!” I said and realised I was in a lucid dream and it was pitch black in the bedroom.

“Please give me colour!” I shouted out in the “dream”.  Unexpectedly, daylight was switched on into my bedroom, the colours so intense and strong that I had to shield my eyes.  Wow!!  I thought as I noticed that Craig was now sitting up in bed and Ariane was running around the bedroom.  Outside the bedroom window, day time was in full swing and I saw people milling about and some looking in my room, some that are alive and some that I knew were dead but they didn’t actually realise it.  I then saw an old work colleague (alive) who was walking Cooper the dog, the excitement built up in me when I saw him.

I looked down at the palm of my hands and saw all the lines and intricate details of my skin.  “I’m awake in my dream!” I shouted with startling clarity.  It was another lucid dream, the type that gives me one foot in this consciousness and the other in the consciousness that is home to all those that have died.

Craig was still sitting up in bed and I understood that he was dreaming, as was I and I would remember every single detail of this but his chance of recollection was slim.  All the same, I knew exactly what I had to do.  In the past when I had dreams like this I had called in my dead relatives to take a rare opportunity to speak to them, this was my chance to finally connect to Tony in a visitation dream.

I shouted out “Tony, come and see us!!”.  I waited and nothing happened.  I shouted it again and again and still nothing.  I felt so frustrated.  I was awake in this dream and it was my one chance to do this!  How could I get him to come?  Then it dawned on me.  I needed God power.  God power is when we ask the highest being, the angels, the source, the light that is all of love to help us.

“God, please can you bring Tony in to see us?” I asked calmly.

In a heartbeat, my bedroom door swung open and in breezed Tony.  I gasped.  It was him in glorious reality, not a dream, it was him.  He was as real to me in that dream as my husband is now to me in waking.  He looked around 45 years old, hair lightly greying, stone wash blue jeans and a white Aaron jumper with a red pattern on.  We looked at each other and both couldn’t speak as the emotions were just too strong.  He tried to get words out and he couldn’t, the same for me.  Then he looked up and saw Craig, he walked towards me and brushed past me but not in a rude way, in a polite manner that tapped my arm lightly as his face filled with the deepest tears of joy and love for his son.  This was all too much for me, I couldn’t hold my energy there any longer, the pure emotion of it all pulled me straight back to my bed, to my waking life.  I was sobbing.

As I sat up and wiped my cheeks, I felt like I had been hit over the head with a brick.  The experience was so intense and real that I must have been in such a deep state of the subconscious to maintain it.  My forehead ached and it took me a good ten minutes to settle my energies and feel like I was part of “here” again.

On his waking, I asked my husband if he dreamt of his dad.  He said he didn’t, and if he did, he couldn’t remember. I won’t lie to say that I was disappointed to hear this.  But that disappointment didn’t last long because my faith in that Tony had visited me (us!) that morning was so strong that it reassured me that all is well, Tony is well, peaceful and happy.

It also taught me that whenever you need help or if you want something so desperately, just use a little God power, it will never ever let you down.

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Until next time,

Tanya

Sebastian’s Angels

I have a French Bulldog called Sebastian.  We are so close and seem to connect to each other via some form of telepathic communication, there are times when I really do feel like he knows what I am thinking and vice versa.

Seb, as we like to call him, has a licking habit, a licking human habit. He particularly likes to lick me whilst I am trying to do a morning yoga session.  A few weeks back, he decided that instead of chewing on my ear whilst I performed a laying down twist, he would find something else to chew.  As I got up from my stretch I noticed that he had a white feather in his mouth before I could reach him to pull it out, he swallowed it whole.  “Well let’s hope it brings you luck today Seb,” I said.

On that same morning, Seb and I were taking our normal stroll across the fields behind my house.  Seb was running off the lead, his favourite pastime.  As we approached the end of the field that backs along a very busy main road, I made a mental note to put his lead back on.  Seb is usually very good with recall and normally comes back on first whistle blow.  On this morning there were a few things that I hadn’t taken into consideration.  The first was that we had recently come back from Devon, where Seb had the freedom to roam around the green countryside and along the beach, with no cars to worry him or us.  The second thing was that we were now full into the autumn season and the trees and hedges were pretty much bare. This meant that the normally thick hedge that separates the field to the main road was now naked twigs and exposing small gaps, gaps that are the perfect size for a stocky French Bulldog to escape through.

No sooner had I seen the gap, Seb had seen it too, he looked at me, I looked at him, mentally I told him to not even think about, mentally he told me that today he was ignoring my advice.  He dashed and scrambled through the hole, leading to the busy road.  I yelled.  I yelled, I yelled and then I screamed his name.  I could not see Seb.  He was the other side now, he was where the busy main road is.  The hedge was far too high for me to see, I could only hear the sound of zooming vehicles passing at around forty to fifty miles an hour. The entrance to the field was such a distance, I calculated how long it would take me to run to get him, 30 seconds, a bit more?  In that time he would be squashed or lost, taken by someone.  I was about to lose my boy.

I called him again, hoping he would find the hole and come back.  But he didn’t.  I could hear someone walking the other side of the hedge, pushing a pram. I wanted to shout out and ask them to help catch him, but I thought it would be irresponsible if it was a mother and child.  So I stood there and looked up to the sky and said: “please angels, save my little Seb, please don’t let him get hit or lost, please help me!!”.

I started to run up along the field and then, before my eyes I saw the black, pounding head of Sebastian, he had found his way to the park entrance from the main road and was bounding toward me at full speed!  He ran into my arms and I swiftly and shakily attached his lead to his harness.  I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry!  How the hell did he find his way back?  How was he not dead?

I walked him to the entrance of the field where the person who I heard walking with the pram met me.  It was a mum, she looked so happy to see Seb on his lead.  “Did you see what happened?” I asked.  “Yes!  Your dog ran through the hedge, down the bank and then toward the main road.  I felt for certain he would get hit by a car but all of the sudden he just stopped at the curb, looked up and the dashed along the pavement, up the steps and into the field entrance!” she said with a relieved look on her face.  I thanked her and we carried on walking home.

I cried as we walked back, I was so shocked that he was ok, that he didn’t run out in the road, that something made him stop, even think about his actions. French Bulldogs are not known for their intelligence skills, in fact, they are known as the clowns of the dog world! What made him turn around?

As we got inside the house and I unleashed him, I thought about my angel prayer. Angels have helped me on so many occasions in the past, I felt sure that they had at this time.  I was soon given validation of this.  As I walked up the stairs, I saw a large feather on the top stair, that wasn’t there before I left that morning.  I smiled to myself and thanked my angels.

feather for seb

When my husband got home, I told him the story and about the angel feather, my husband just rolled his eyes and said: “we have feathers everywhere, you have all those dream catcher things, it’s from that, not an angel, Seb was just lucky!”.

I thought about this and let the seed of doubt enter into my mind.  “ok Angels, if it really was you that helped Seb today, give me another sign, give me a sign right now!”, with that, I looked at my phone as the red notification icon popped up on my Facebook profile.  I clicked on it and saw that someone had posted on the French Bull Dog fan page.  I hadn’t seen a post on there for months, and whenever there was one, I always wanted to see a dog like Seb, but the Frenchie’s they posted were always different colours to him.  Is this my sign, I thought?  If it is, make the dog of this photo look just like Seb, then I will believe!  I clicked on the notification and up popped this beautiful dog:

cute doggy

I smiled widely to myself, thanks angels, I said.

Sebastian Short – aged about 6 months in this photo:

sebby boy

Until next time,

Tanya